Well, well well. Looks like the last time I posted was after my 50 miler back in the fall of 2017. I’m afraid my 2018 was a complete bust. Not that I didn’t do well. Not that I didn’t reach my race goals. Not that I didn’t get to that trail or mountain I wanted to… Nope, none of those things. I pretty much didn’t run at all. After 3 years of training pretty much non-stop, I hit that mental wall. I got really sick after my 50 miler in September of 2017 and never really got it back. At first I just let it go. Knowing that I would get the feeling again, because I always did. I’d have a crappy couple of weeks and then miss it and get back out there. This time it didn’t happen. This time I started drinking way too much. Eating way too much and not doing a damn thing except get fat and play a LOT of Bloodborne.
Besides relearning the Soulsborne games, I did very little to better my body. Each time I tried to start up again, I’d come up with an excuse not to continue. Low and behold, here I am, over a year later, 50 pounds fatter and having to start from zero with my running. Not absolute zero, I still have a little bit of the mental game left. I still have the experience to know what I need to do. It’s now just a mental game of reminding myself that it will get better. I hate that I let myself slide back into so many poor habits, but have just a little hope that I’m starting to turn it around, and that little sliver of hope is what I’m digging on.
I’m hoping that I can get this big dumb idiot body back into shape by this summer. I also hope that I keep jotting my thoughts down here to keep myself honest. I ran today and wrote today, so that’s all I can ask for.